How to Handle Change
Change can be challenging, but it’s honestly necessary for growth. But I believe it can be exciting and challenging, like learning a new language or skill, even if the change is in your relationship or career.
First, you need to love where you are. You may not have heard the concept, but in most instances, the relationship in your life comes from dissatisfaction in yourself.
“Wait, are you trying to say that I am the reason why my boss is a micromanager?” simply put… Yes! You create an environment of distrust by thinking, “My boss micromanages me”; maybe this makes you frustrated, so you don’t do your best work because he’s just going to criticize you and change it. See the thought spirals that are causing these feelings of self-doubt or frustration, which in turn cause you to not show up in your best way.
Now I am no putting your boss’s trust issues solely on you, but instead, I want to challenge you to make peace with this flaw and learn to love your job and boss in spite of it before looking for a new position, and here’s why.
If you have thoughts that affect your performance, what is to stop those same thoughts from following you into the next job? So step back and look at how you would love your job more? Maybe the result you want is that he makes fewer changes to your work. So what actions would help make this happen? Ask more detailed questions, and how would you have to feel to ask more detailed questions? Maybe detached from the outcome? Or confident that you can learn to get things done without doing it more than once? And what thought could make you feel more confident? Maybe “He’s not picking on me as a person, he’s trying to get it right for his job as well” or “He’s unsure of what he wants and needs help in articulating the problem, and I can help.”
This might seem like rainbows and sunshine but really, what you want is to clean up the baggage you are bringing to the table. Thoughts of resentment, self-doubt, the need to please, or the need to be validated that is causing your unhappiness, and you can control before moving to the next job or relationship because that baggage will follow you if you don’t clean it up.
Like relationships where you bring unresolved feelings of past hurt or betrayal, these affect your future relationships. So why wouldn’t the old bosses or other relationships with authority jeopardize your career? We seem to believe that our work is in a vacuum. Still, in many ways, it can uncover way more relationship and money issues that are plaguing our personal growth and happiness than we ever imagined.
Not all thoughts are wrong, and there are many we want to harness and nurture to live our best life. Coaching helps you uncover these thoughts driving your actions and in-actions and creating results that you want to repeat or change. This is such a big part of coaching. It’s not about dredging up the past or finding blame, but rather gaining control of your feelings. Most importantly, how you choose to handle circumstances and, most importantly, learn to delineate factual circumstances from stories or interpretations of events that are really manufactured in our own thoughts and deep-rooted beliefs.